bad poetry

I wanted to write this morning but all I got was some bad poetry. Here it is

Off Season

A quiet street with couples and singles leisurely window shopping
as the sun starts its decent at 3.
A quick breeze makes them cuddle closer to the one next to them.
No snow yet, but it will come.
This is the time where you get the chance to listen
to waves lap the beach on the harbor side
since there is no traffic to dull the senses.
And a dog barks further down as an owner throws a stick
and the dog brings it back.

Galleries open for the locals to browse the fine art
that grace the walls before heading off to a candlelit dinner
and warmed by the glow in the old fireplace.
Tasting all the food you have not had a chance to during the season,
being busy with the guests, chores, and guests a more.

Relaxing in the off season.
….

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I am sure I will revise it soon because it is not that good. My head is not working as of late. Too much thinking about how to get ababy and bringing up many family issues that need to be dealt with at some point. Alas, what is life but trying to live in the present when we are too busy letting the past influence the future.....

William (f) 2

The light caught his attention. He had just walked into his dark apartment and with his hand about to flick on a light, he noticed the dim light in the living room, cascading in through the window and down over the couch. He glanced out the window into the next apartment where a man was standing in front of a mirror. He had never realized how close his apartment building was to the one next, at least on this side. The front had views of the park, which always took the attention away from what was an apparently close building next door. He slowly dropped his hand away from the light switch as he realized the object in the light started slowly undressing, obviously unaware of the proximity of the closed windows. Dropping his keys onto the table next to the lamp, he slowly walked towards the window and stood there; mesmerized by the handsome form that was revealing itself next door. He felt guilty for watching as the man slowly lifted his right arm above his head and pealing of his long, grey t-shirt. He went to turn away but something grabbed his attention and held it. He let his legs fold as he settled into the cushions on the couch, but not moving his eyes. The slow striptease was not erotic in the least due to the pained look on the man’s face. Curiosity of what had happened held his attention.

Smooth pale skin appeared below the ribbing of the shirt, and more appeared to be covering a muscular back. A large bluish spot appeared to stretch around the right shoulder blade, and inched downwards but stopping before the butt. The reflection in the mirror revealed a similar shape in across the pectoral, stopping short of the little brown nipple. Quite the bruise he thought, watching the man inspect it, his fingertips lightly touching the different spots of colored skin. The man’s shoulder’s slumped and he glanced down at the floor, shifting his weight of his right ankle. The workout was evident in the body sculpted before him. His eyes scanned down the man’s body, passed the tan marks above and curved around his but, across strong thighs and calves, and down to the bruised ankle. That is why he shifted his weight, he thought. Intrigued, he glanced up the front of the man in the mirror, taking in the fuzzy legs, glancing at the sizeable equipment between his legs, and continuing passed the taught abs. He is thin. I wonder what happened to him? A streak across his chest glimmered in the light as the man turned and looked directly at him with his eyes full of tears. Even though he was in a darkened apartment, he was not sure if the man could see him. He sat still, meeting eyes as the man turned, winced as he raised his arm, and plunged his own apartment into darkness.

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William(f)

William sat contemplating everything that came into his mind, most thoughts lasting seconds. Glancing out the window, he watched at the world feeling it stop on him only momentarily and then onto the next person. Seventy-two hours. He was now passed the hump, supposedly. It may have been out of his system but the craving was still there. All he wanted to do was pick up a cigarette. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He could feel the smoke swirl into his lungs. He smiled and exhaled. He did this a few more times, which surprisingly took off the edge.

When he opened his eyes, the world outside came beckoning in. How much he wanted to be out there. Fear shivered up his spine. Something had changed but he didn’t know exactly what it was. He slowly rose from the window ledge. His muscles still ached from the accident. Slowly, the pain came back into his body as he struggled to keep himself standing.

Minutes seemed to pass until he began limping to the mirror and flicked on the light beside it. The harsh light temporarily blinded his still sensitive eyes. Slowly he began taking off his clothes until his was standing there, naked. He forced himself to look in the mirror, at the pale, bruised body that appeared before him. He was not the toned and tanned boy her remembered last glancing at. Hollow, sunken eyes peered back at him. Searching his memory for why he looked like this ended quickly. He could not remember the accident and the pain meds made his mind unable to focus. His shoulders sagged as he began to cry. He looked pathetic, now underweight, pale, and tears staining his cheek, streaking his black and blue face.

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Bloc well in place

Well it looks like the block is well in place. I have started a couple of paragraphs but never get much further and it is starting to piss me off. Part of me doesn't want to write, part of me says that is all I want to do. I feel like there are too many thoughts in my head and I cannot get them down. It is very agrivating. I know I just have to do it but it is just frustrating. This is the week though. Something will happen. I'll get something down. Maybe...I won't and then next week I'll be mad at myself again for not doing anything. The cycle continues.....

Main thoughts at the moment...writing, am I good enough? Design, should I pursue it? Baby, am I ready for one?

The Roomate(f) 2

But I waited, feeling my aching balls swell and relax with each breath. Nerves begged me to leave but I didn't. Leaning over, I reached out and rubbed my fingertips over the extended fabric. Down the shaft and I grabbed hold, and squeezed gently. It was magic. I had to have it. But what if he wakes up? my mind raced while I slowly moved my hand back up and down his body. I knew what was coming but tried to talk myself out of it. One sleeping man for another I thought, smiling as I lowered my head and kneeled beside the bed. I leaned over and smelled his enticing aroma. I tied to stop myself before things got to far but I was passed the point of reason. Slowly, I began massaging his briefs, working myself hard and fast and to the brink. I stopped playing with myself and leaned in to kiss it. A small moan came from Ben's lips and I froze, my mouth wrapping around his hard on. His hand moved and I thought it was over. I couldn't see if he was awake but his hand brushed the back of my head, forcing me to open my mouth a little wider to make it around his girth. I was in heaven, tasting the cotton and feeling the warmth of him as it throbbed.

More to come.....

I continued to feel his hardness through his shorts. I reached his head and it jumped as if to say hi in greeting. My lips gently kissed the moist fabric. Licking my lips, I realized he must have been oozing precum through his shorts. Should I wake him up? I glanced up at his face still in shadows. My hand reached up and massaged his abs. I rose slowly and moved up to his face, my hand trailing down to his crotch, grabbing hold.

Our lips touched briefly, sending shivers down my spine. A soft moan escaped his lips and a smile crept across them. We kissed again, me wondering if I moved or he did. His tongue slid into my mouth and we wrestled for control over the other. Parting, I breathed heavily with lust.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Since you kissed me." he whispered.

"I'm sorry, I should be doing this." I said, frightened he might get mad. His hand reached out and stopped by backwards movement by grabbing onto my seven and a half inches. He pulled me back towards him.

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to finish this?"

"You had that before I...."

"I was dreaming about this naked hunk standing in my doorway." Confusion spread across my face. He pulled me down and onto his bed. Rolling over and kissing me. I was at a loss of what to do but let my body figure it out. He slowly kissed down my body, biting at my erect nipple, making me moan with pleasure. His tongue circled my belly button and made his way down. He took my head into his mouth and started bobbing up and down, taking the entire length into his mouth. I thought I was going to loose it right there and stiffened up. He stopped and glanced up at me. He laughed and said "well aren't you mister speedy?"

He slowly moved and straddled my chest. His warmth coming through his legs and sending tingles wherever our skin touched. I stared down at his open boxer fly. "This is what you wanted isn't it?" He pulled himself out and stroked it a few times. Not being much light, I still could not see but it looked large. When he held it against his hard abs, his head came within to the hairs of his belly button. He lowered it and pressed his head between my lips. I eagerly started sucking on it, licking up and down the shaft as best I could. He put his hands on the wall above my head and raised his body into a push-up position. Laying my head on the pillow, he started to slowly slide his cock in and out of my mouth. I reached back and grabbed his ass, hungrily taking as much as I could. I pulled down his boxers, feeling his firm ass in my hands. His boxers got stuck on the base of his shaft but I eagerly sucked away. A moan escaped his lips and I felt his balls tighten as he lost control. I swallowed as much as I could before letting it run down the sides, his boxers soaking up the overflow.

Breathing heavy, he looked up and smiled.
“Round One goes to me. Are you ready for Round Two?”
“Do you have to ask?” I smiled back.

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To read Part 1, see the December archive. I am still working on adding links to the past archives...

interesting

Visit create your own personalized map of the USA

changes....

So I think this blog may be taking on a different type of feel than I originally thought but it seems that is what blogs do. Today, again about babies. I am beginning to FREAK OUT! This mornings commuting conversation was about day care and how we are going to handle the first few months. It is crazy to think about but husband is right that they will ask during the home study and we should think about it.

We have our first meeting on Monday with an agency to get us started and to figure out which way we want to lead, privtae infant adoption, DSS (Department of Social Services), open adoption, or international. I think we are leaning more towards either a private or open adoption at this point. It is far off from the surrogacy we had been thinking about but alas, I think we are finally okay with that.

My only problem with adoptiing is I feel guilty about adopting an infant when there are so many other kids out there that are slightly older that need help to. Being adopted myself, I can't help but think about them (that is another time for that story though). We may adopt one of those at a later point but having been around infants, we nkow how important that first year is....it still doesn't help.

Maybe writing about this process will help ease my fears and concerns as well as keep me writing. We shall see. Time to check my email and get back to freaking out.

Baby time

SO of course, we have been consentraighting more on baby as of late. We have an appointment with an agency in Vermont for a Welcome weekend in April and have a Getting to Know You meeting with an agency in Cambridge on Monday. This is just crazy to me. I guess there is just too much going on and I am trying to juggle it all. This week, I am feeling pretty good about it...we shall see how long it goes.

Havingt a baby is exciting to me but it just makes me wonder if we (or I) can handle it...the diapers, the being up all night, I just don't know. This last weekend we had two of our neices (2 and 1) for a few hours. We handled it well and they were fairly well behaved but we were able to hand them back. Am I sure we want to do this?

Of course the other issue is I would like a boy but the husband would just like a baby. I am not sure why I want a boy--partially because we have so many neices it isn't funny. But other than that, I guess I don't really care. I am also not sure if we should go for a baby or a todler...while having a baby would be nice, there are just so many other kids that need loving parents that it makes me feel a little guilty.

And then of course there is whether we want to do inter-racial. We have talked about it and feel that the kid is going to have enough to worry about with two dads, but it would not bother either of us I don't think. Just another question to add to the list.

In trying to figure out what to do for work, I have been creating lists about design projects for the house...some easy, some not. But then I realized this past weekend that again, i may never get done some of the things I want because we may have to move for a better school system. I know, one step at a time, but I don't want to put too much money into the house if we are not going to be there for awhile. Then again, I want to be happy in the home. What are we getting ourselves into?

Habits...

So I have had a good week so far in at least making a list of all the projects that I have at home to do....it is a start. Now if I can just get the money together to start doing them. I am in a weird place right now. I have some energy to get some things done but I have not done any of them...I guess I just need to force myself to do it, finish at least one project, before this fades, else I fall easily back into the old habit.

Back to the gym tonight despite the rain/snow mix we are expecting. Last Monday was our first night back at the gym since we returned from Africa and it was short lived. While I have to say I am glad the gym is going well (it is close to the house so I don't want it to close), I am not amused at the fullness of it. I have two major complaints, one is the cleanliness; it has continued to go downhill over the last few months (people not whipping down the machines (even though they provide towels and spray) and the oder has started getting bad. The way they have chosen to deal with the order, is to open the front doors and the emergency exit to create a breeze and suck the bad air out....it is WINTER folks and I do not wish to freeze my balls off on the bike or arctrainer while I am trying to work out. If I wanted that, I would go for a run outside.

The second issue is the people. Our gym has been innondated and while we used to be able to go and get our workout done relatively fast (an hour to an hour and a half), I do not feel that it is okay to have to wait around for a cardio machine after I have warmed up. Not much use in doing it if you cool down before you get on the bike is there? Hopefully tonight will be better and I'll actually be able to work out tonight. If not, I am not sure what I am going to do.

directions in baby steps

On my commute this morning, a friend and I were talking about what is going on in our lives and it got me thinking about all the things that have been running through my head as of late. Once we parted ways, it kind of struck me how out of sink I have been lately and in how many directions my head has been going in.

How do we live life? Do we live in the past? How do we decide what to concentrate on and what is important at this point in time? I guess part of it stems from lunch yesterday when one of my co-workers mentioned that she thinks we are all fated into our lives and if it is meant to be, it is. I guess I kind of feel that way but being what some would say as a stubborn Virgo, of course I have to question why.

So, here I am, writing about directions. Being adopted and talking about having a family of my own always leads to thinking about the past and how it has influenced me…even when it is not so simple to figure out. But living too much in the past makes me think about the future and what I am not doing. Is living life just working while dreaming about what we would want to be doing r is it doing something about it and doing what we are dreaming? Of course it all gets compounded by actually living in the now and talking about having a family and moving into the direction of having a baby. Am I ready for that? Should I be concentrating on a career? If so, which one? I feel like I do not get to be creative enough in my current job but I am too afraid to make a jump into something else I would want to do…writer, designer, open up our cookie business full time, and of course, a bed and breakfast. All of this is compounded by the price it might cost to go back to school for some of these items.

I guess I need to figure out which direction I am leaning. In talking this morning, my friend mentioned it is all about baby steps. If you think too much about the big picture, you won’t get anywhere. We have taken the first step into starting out family and have a meeting with an agency to discuss possible options. I guess now I need to figure out which direction I want my career to take.

I started this blog as a means to help me to write something everyday. Obviously that has not been the case thus far. My problem with writing is I never feel I am good enough. My concern is that I will carry this to whatever profession I strike out to do next. I think I want to look into design a little more (interior design). I am really interested in it and always have ideas for our houses but never do them because alas…money. I have some small ideas and it is time to put my mind to use and come up with them so I can at least start a portfolio of some work. There is an interior design firm down the street from my office and I always think about going in and talking with them about the field but never have the courage and just think it is silly of me to do so. Maybe one of these days I’ll use my balls and go do it. I guess it gets my foot in the door.

We shall see where the day takes me now. Starting out this philosophical can sometimes be bad, sometimes a motivator.